Bonus Days 11 - 16 (December 23 - 28)

Took a little time off writing.  Christmas came and went.

Connie was able to get out to Pioneer's Christmas Dinner.  Actually ate quite a bit for her.

We took a walk around the park with her in her wheelchair, which we'd like to make more of a habit.  We took a drive to the beach, which was short lived, but she enjoyed it.

The day after Christmas, we had a visit from her nurse.  She made it to the Parrotheads of Port Aransas 4th Thursday Happy Hour after visiting with Dan Sullivan and friends on the beach.  Dan was celebrating his 50th birthday.

Friday, the 27th, we made the decision to cancel our cruise in January.  It was just going to be too much for the both of us, and her time in the room and in bed was going to be greater than the time out of there.

After a visit by the nurse's aide to get her showered up, she made it to Moby Dick's for a performance by The Detentions.  Didn't eat much, but had two beers.  Afterward, she was pretty whipped.

The Buckeyes played in their semi final game against Clemson on Saturday.  She was in bed most of the day, tried to rally when some friends came over, but went to bed around kickoff.

She's beginning to know her limitations.  When she doesn't feel "it", she taps out and goes to bed.  She tries to dress herself, and is successful most of the time.  She's getting worse on the stairs.  That's probably going to be our immediate future.

Bonus Days 9 & 10 (December 21 - 22)

Had our visit on Saturday and our follow up visit on Sunday with the weekend nurse for New Century Hospice.  I swear to God, I've bought houses and signed less paperwork.

Nurses will call on us 3 times a week, social worker will call on us once a month, Volunteers will be out as needed to help with hygiene issues, etc.   It's a real team effort.

While I always thought it was a death sentence and a wait till the last minute thing, we're finding out that the earlier you start "the process", the more benefits you receive.

While it's a dark subject, so far, this "team" has been very good to work with so far.  Not very timely, but a part of that is the business they're in, too.

Bonus Days 7 & 8 (December 19 - 20th)

Yesterday was a good morning, then after her afternoon nap, a bad rest of the day.

We settled on a hospice, New Century Hospice.  They called us after the third place that I called listed as "in network" (who wasn't) by our insurance, called them to refer us.  Thank goodness for them doing that.  Our insurance has NOT been helpful during this process.

As soon as they got our information and ran our pre certification, they were out here to sign papers.  I would guess in their business, time is literally of the essence, as people could be calling with days left for their loved one.  I don't think that's our case, but we'll see.  One of those papers was a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) form which is required in Texas for EMT's.  EMT's are required by state law to do everything necessary to bring a person back if they've stopped breathing or their heart has stopped.  With this form, she'll be spared those chest compressions, etc.

Today (the 20th), we'll have a nurse come out to do an evaluation.  Then, along with "the team", she'll make a plan for how many visits Connie will need, what kind of supplies she'll need, etc.  As I wondered out loud if we were unique being in an RV, guy from Hospice said they had a client out here (Pioneer RV Park) last year.

The end will be a journey.

Bonus Day 6 (December 18th)

As with all things insurance, finding a hospice that's "in network" and one that we're comfortable with suck.  Our insurance website listed 4 in Corpus Christi.  I contacted all four of them.  One had their phone disconnected.  One told me they hadn't been in network since 2018.  One took all my information, then found out they were out of network.  One still hasn't gotten back to me with benefits.  <sigh>.

Connie's doing "OK" comparatively.  She's getting dressed and sitting up.  She's eating, which is great.  She's fairly focused, still having a ton of cognitive issues.

Knowing how stubborn she is about a lot of things, she'll be with us for quite awhile which is our best hope.

Bonus Day 5 (December 17th)

I for some reason have always remembered the first time I heard the phrase using "hospice".  It was the spring of 1984 in the teacher's lounge at Greeneview High School.  Don Green and I were in there with sub teacher Ed Prellar.  Somebody said that somebody was "going to hospice".

Don and I looked at each other.  No idea what the hell Hospice was.  Then, Ed said, it's where people go to die.

Understand, I was 23 years old.  I envisioned elephants going step by step, side by side, to their final resting place.  I couldn't shake that image and, obviously, I still can't.

So, on this day, I started the process of enlisting the services of Hospice.  Not sure what I'm looking for, but it's kind of when I hear it or see it, I'll know it.

We both want her to be able to stay here for as long as she can, but there are obvious limits to spending the rest of your time in an RV.  I have a limit to what I can do for her, especially in terms of her bathroom responsibilities.  It will be a challenge, but I'm up for it.

We also have to get a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) form filled out and handy.  EMT's are obligated in the State of Texas to do everything to bring back a patient whose heart has stopped.  Having this DNR will relieve them of that obligation.

I hope it's going to be a long, long process.  She was given two years and told to "get her things in order" in the spring of 2014.  Here we are about to be in the year 2020.

Bonus Day 4 (December 16th)

This was a doctor's appointment and a chemo treatment.  It wasn't a good day.  Connie couldn't make the walk with her walker from the rig to the truck.  It was tough to watch.  But, again, she was a trooper and gutted it out.  We used the wheelchair the rest of the day.

We met with her Oncologist and I told the story from the 12th.  He basically said the brain is starting to shut her body down.  On the 12th, it shut it down then restarted.  It would continue to happen until it couldn't restart and she'd be gone.

He gave us the option of doing the next two treatments, a week off, then meeting with him on the first Monday of the New Year.  However, he said things weren't going to get better.  In most cases, they were going to get worse and the shut downs would be more frequent.

The other option was to skip the treatment and consult Hospice.  He gave us time to talk and decide.

We talked.  We talked about when this all started (back in 2013), we would always opt for quality of life vs. quantity.  Right now, her quality was terrible.  She doesn't want to go to the beach.  She doesn't want to sit out in the sun.  She spends 12-16 hours in bed, the rest of the time in the recliner.  We decided we're at that point.  She simply said, "Let's go home."

With those 3 words, we began the end of our time together.

Bonus Days 2 & 3 (December 14th-15th)

We had a pretty uneventful rest of our cruise.  We got back to L.A.  We were going to do a little sight seeing, have a nice dinner, then an early morning flight so we could get back to Texas and pick up the dogs.  Connie never got out of the hotel bed from noon till the next morning save for about an hour in the recliner.

The sight seeing turned out being me walking across the street to an AM/PM to buy a couple of beers, stopping at McDonald's on the way back for Nuggets and Fries.  Watched the Army/Navy game, then the President's Cup.

The flight back was uneventful to Sacramento where we picked up our connection to Austin.  The plane had started boarding when we got to the gate, so we couldn't preboard and got seated five rows from the front.

Mid flight, she had to use the restroom.  It took about 4 minutes for her to go those 5 rows.  While she was in the restroom, a couple in the front row offered to give up their seats.  "We thought we had it bad.  But after seeing her, we know there are people who have it worse."  It mirrored what we had seen the entire trip.  Nothing but kindness and offers of help (except for the driver of the Holiday Inn shuttle bus.  I got a real thoughtful "be careful" as I loaded and unloaded her wheelchair, our checked bag, my computer bag and my wife."  Thanks, Dick -- sure that was his name.  To contrast, the shuttle drivers going and coming from the Parking Spot wouldn't let me touch a thing and helped anchor my wife.  They were compensated.  Dick wasn't.  Don't be like Dick.)

She rallied for the ride back, and I thought we were going in the right direction.

Bonus Days Begin (December 12th)

We went on a 3N cruise from Long Beach that was an inaugural for the Carnival Panorama.  Connie didn't handle any part of it well.  As usual, she was a trooper, but she probably spent more time in bed than out of it.  We both lost weight.  On a cruise.  Let that sink in.

I kidded her earlier in the week, that I didn't want her going all Titanic on me.  Today, it happened.  She said she had to use the bathroom, but had no use of her legs.  I quasi carried her to the bathroom, but she couldn't hold herself up to get on the toilet.  Then, she did what she went into the bathroom for.

I got her cleaned up and carried to the couch where she gave one big inhale, then a groan.  She was gone.  Then, she came back.  It was a matter of 3-5 seconds at most.  You would think passing away at sea for a cruise addict would be romantic.  It was freaking terrifying.

We got her back into bed, and she went to sleep.  I didn't know if it was the end or just another chapter.  Having done this 3 previous times, I knew that a ship's doctor couldn't do anything.  She either needed to sleep, or she was going to pass.  If I called in the Doctor, she was going to get off loaded in Mexico.  She would NOT have been happy.  I texted my daughter.  We both made the decision to ride it out.

It was the right call in the end.  And so, every day from here forward, is a Bonus Day with my wife.